Forgiving Love

Mortal she was, a Human that too, mistakes she made, some old, some new;
Ignorance a bliss, not for her, his silence spoke, existence a blur;
The agonizing pain, tears they fought, with a heavy heart, she faced his wrath.


She yearned a message, a hug indeed, she was too foolish, and so her deed;
Hours passed as she lived in hope, a hope to see his beautiful smile,
Memories flashed, glasses crashed, shivers went up and down her spine.


A note she got, short and simple, her face finally saw the dimple;
"Terrace at nine" the note it read, thoughts amok, fear and dread;
Anticipation took its toll, as she waited for the mystery to unfold.


The door was open, night young, the wind blowing, cold but calm;
She watched the city run around, a galaxy of stars on the ground;
He crept behind, added his charm and wrapped her in his long arms.


A hug so long, teary eyes, he pulled her back and gave a smile;
"I missed you" was all he squeaked, and gave her a peck on the cheek;
A sigh of relief was all she felt, in a moment her heart, it melt.

 

My Social Network

Social networking has been on an upscale ever since Orkut came out. "Will you frandship me?" That is how my social networking had started, with random people sending me friend requests and me conveniently declining them. Adding all the people I knew and keeping a track of them all. I can safely call it stalking now. Checking who logged in when and who commented on what. People started uploading their photos, and before I knew it, communities were made. Scrapping was the new lingo.

Not long till the mastermind Zuckerberg came up with his version of social network, Facebook. Barely had I adjusted to using Orkut that everyone I knew started talking about Facebook. And in no time, Facebook drew me in too. With a more attractive web page and cooler stuff to do, Facebook became beyond an addiction. Farm ville and other such stupid game requests started spamming my wall. Poking became this fun thing. I added people who I was not in touch with from school days. Nothing has changed though. I am still not actively in touch with them. Though thanks to Facebook, I get regular updates as to what each one is doing in their lives. It is more like a medium of uploading photos of all the places you visit and prove to the world that your life is awesome. For some it is a mode of checking in at places and telling you where they are, some enjoy putting up status updates every hour (figuratively) and some use it to keep a track of birthdays.

Facebook has been like the "in" thing for the longest time I have known. Plus it came in to action during my college days, thus the hype was more for me. Before I knew it, uncles-aunties, relatives were on it sending me friendship requests. I found this beyond absurd. Shocking was when I got a friend request from my mother. It's not that I hide anything from my parents, (okay, probably some things I do, but that is only because they are not worth telling), but adding them on a social network site means me having to be cautious as to what I say and upload. Thus, till date they remain my parents and friends, but only at home, not on Facebook. Some of you may not agree to my logic, but then again, its my choice and perspective.

Then came Twitter, the era in which I live currently. I had signed up when I heard of it, but was never active. After almost a year I finally started tweeting full fledge. It started with following celebs, but little did I know that there was a whole different world out there. You want to see democracy, join Twitter. People voicing their opinion on the smallest of matters and creating awareness on the important ones too. From philosophy to venting, match updates to Bollywood buzz, politics to gibberish, you name it and it's trending. There is a constant entertainment that goes on. However, for me, what stands out the most is the little family of fellow medicos that I have made. People ranting about our corrupt and lethargic medical system, cracking sassy jokes and the 'gooey love' and flirting going on. In all this, I found my reason to be happy, happy because I am not the only one struggling in life, happy because there are people who understand what I am going through, and happy because people do not judge me. The anonymity of name, caste, religion is surprisingly bliss.

The late night jamming sessions, pulling people's legs and being a cupid (but terribly failing) makes me smile to myself. Fights, flirting and FF's makes one believe that those people are not just a random bunch of freaks, but freaks you know for a long time. Wonder how it would be if I met all those people for real. But then again, at times, I like the surreptitiousness. Meet or not meet, whether everyone achieves the great heights or not, I would love for them to keep making me smile, just the way they do.

Moreover, it is thanks to these social networking sites that you are reading this right now. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't be sitting and typing this. All this said, I am sure a lot more social networking sites will crop up in the near future. There already may be some trending as I write this. I may or may not join those, but the social animal in me will never die.
 

Dying Hope

The curve on her face, from ear to ear,
She did not say, she need not fear,
Moments like this, seldom came near,
Oh look what destiny brought her hither.

A letter so fine, from borders across,
She opened in haste, a living chaos,
Hopes of joy, and safety too,
Color changed from pink to blue.

A sorry from friends and all the crew,
Flowers too had lost their dew.
Sent was a box, with a heartfelt song,
Wishing they could come along.

He fought till the end, that's what they said,
She stood alone, not a tear still shed.
Reality was still to dawn,
Destiny brought tough times on.

The wind blowing had an eery touch,
Made her sit without a thought much.
Night so long, dreams of the shot,
As she waited for her love to be brought.

The UGLY Truth

1 Crore. That's it? Yes, that's it. That is the average amount for a post graduation medical seat in any private hospital/college in India today. You may ask who pays so much? Turns out, MANY....many to the effect that there is waiting there too. Ridiculous much? Well, it may pinch some ones pocket, but it pinches my heart. Why? Is it that my father can not afford that money? Probably he can. Probably he can not. Can I afford it? Definitely not. Would I spend that much for my child just because the competition is tough and he/she is not hard working enough? Definitely not. Then I don't have the right to ask my father for the same.

I sometimes wish people thought on the same lines as I do. But then again, I don't completely blame them. Our Indian medical system is such that it is built with loop holes. Loop holes so big that most of the deemed and private hospitals are owned by politicians and what better way to fill their pocket holes? I have friends who have paid capitation and taken up seats. I do not look down upon them because it was their personal choice. Yes, I would be lying if I said it did not hurt knowing they got it easy and I am still struggling to get a seat. But when I think of it in the long run I don't feel so bad. I lost a year or two struggling now, learning it the hard way, but at least I do not live with the guilt that my education was so cheap (not in literal terms) that it was based on money. I do not want to abuse my brains and feel like a failure just because I did not get a seat via a common entrance.

For all non-medicos reading this, we had a common entrance for the whole of India, called NEET. There were almost 2 lakh students applying for this exam. The total number of seats available all over India via this exam is approximately 20,000. Out of this, 50% of the seats are for the reserved category. So hypothetically, for an open category candidate, like me, needs to be in the first 10,000 to secure a seat. That too, if I want a seat of my choice and in my city, I need to be within the first 1000 ranks. Surprised? Don't be.
People will say you knew this when you took up medicine. Yes, I knew it would be hard, but did I know that I would lose my faith in the system and profession so soon?

So, coming to the point what made me write this blog today. I happened to give an entrance today. I shall not disclose the name for obvious reasons but you do not need to be Einstein to figure out which one. Almost three weeks back I was contemplating whether to give this exam or no because it is a known fact that all the seats are rigged. However, my dad said give it as a back up so I filled the form of Rupees 3000 in total. I filled it knowing I was not going to study for it. And I did not. So I got up today and went for the exam. Never have I been so calm and relaxed for an entrance exam. I reach 15 minutes before the commencement of the exam and funny as it may sound, I went into a wrong classroom and sat on a wrong bench. Two minutes later I realised my mistake, so I picked up my belongings and stormed out of the class room leaving the rest behind thinking I am a moron.

I got into my actual class and took my seat. In front sat a girl wearing a black sweat shirt and diagonally in the next row sat a boy in a black and grey checked shirt and a black turban. The exam bell rang and everyone got busy in their own exam sheets. Three and a half hours is rather a long time for me to sit in one place without getting bored, especially when I have not been in touch with studies. So, one hour down I was already getting restless. I looked around and saw everyone else pretty engrossed in their papers. The benches being small I happened to notice that the girl in front of me had not marked (circled) a single answer on the answer sheet. I figured she is one of those who reads the whole paper and then marks her answers. Not wanting to waste more time, I got back to my paper.

One hour for the exam to get over. Suddenly a man, probably in his early 50's walked into the room, with two men who I presume to be working under him. This man, clad in white pants and a white khadi half sleeved shirt had a piece of paper in his hand. I, sitting on the third bench of the second row from the entrance did not find it difficult to read what was on the paper. It was a list of roll numbers. Surprisingly, the man started walking in my direction and stopped just before my desk. He looked at the girl in front of me, checked her roll number, confirmed it with the numbers on the paper he had, took her question booklet and marked something. I found this strange.

As soon as he was done with her, he started walking to the other side of the classroom and stopped at the boy with the turban's desk and did the same. I was perplexed. What was going on? It took me 15 minutes to figure this mystery out. Half an hour was left and the girl's answer sheet was still empty. I wanted to confirm my thoughts so I looked to my left and saw that the boy's answer sheet was empty too. Surprise! My blood boiled to the effect that I was unable to answer any question for the next 5 minutes. I was disgusted. The exam got over and the examiner started collecting the answer sheets. The girl had marked less than half the answers and the boy must have marked 20 answers max.

I do not know what to think of this. I do not have proof to assume that this was an act of cheating. Even tomorrow, if they do get a good rank I still will not have any proof to say they did not mark even 50% to be eligible, which by the way was written in the 'Instructions to candidates' section. You may say that I knew the exam was rigged well before I was even applying for it, then why this reaction. My friends, knowing and living with it because we can not do anything is one thing. But some one coming in the middle of your exam and exhibiting the act in public makes you wonder 'What is noble about this profession?' It did not take much to crush the little faith I had in our medical system and the people in it, that includes us budding doctors, big doctors or any one involved.

I do not wish bad for any one. But I really do pray that all those young hearts who have sacrificed their social life and years in attempting to get a post graduate seat in the field and place where they want. Saying this, I would like to tell all those struggling like me, that do not be disheartened, do not get upset. We live in a society which talks, eats and breathes money. It takes a lot not to be one of them and I salute those who are not.


PS- The figures for the number of students applying and the total number of seats is not confirmed but should be around that much.

MBBS and Beyond

Life is like a cycle of female hormones...it has its ups and downs...

Life as a medical student is nothing more than a soap opera...full of drama!

New friends, bunking lectures, movies, parties, controversies, fights, bitching, making up and somewhere in that studying!

It doesn't take 4 and a half years to know whose who.. But it is that last and fifth year to recognise oneself which makes or breaks your life!
Internship!! Its a year for the newly crowned doctors to learn and live the real life...
It is a year of making important decisions and taking the right steps.
Confusion is the first and biggest dilemma. Every individual thinks his/her life is the biggest question mark, but frankly everyone is sailing in the same boat.

Failure is a part of life. But more than anything its the courage to move on and the want of being a good doctor which helps us hang in.

I Miss...

I miss the early morning dawn, the wake up calls and carpool drives,
Running for lectures, the grand late entrance,
Last bench flakiness, with food provisions all around,
Sleeping in lectures, playing criss cross,
And waiting for that last bell to free us all.
 
I miss the postings, for units we would fight,
Following the seniors and trying to be right,
The morning breakfasts, DP’s, GK or Manize,
Cinemax or Imax, Zenzibu always followed by Naturals.
 
I miss the girls’ day out, the late night calls,
Issues many, with interventions and all,
Birthday cakes, Shekhar’s canteen, smashing faces,
And that’s where we left our traces.
 
I miss the library, the pre-exam tension,
The selective studies almost like pension,
The midnight maggi, coffee and red bull,
Cuz nothing worked on our brains so full.

I miss the feeling of having to do nothing,
Results so creepy, wishing we had studied something,
The promise of working harder, striving to do better,
But nothing changed us, Harrison nor Netter.
 
I miss the moment where we became Doctors,
Our heads held high, shouting in the sky,
The black robes, black hats and rolls in our hand,
The day we pledged, our Hippocratic oath.





PS- I had written this after I graduated. Just blogging it now. The places mentioned have been like our "addas" for 5 years.